Thursday, August 19, 2010

Sorry I've been away

Well I've sort of been slacking off. I did the Park City Oly last weekend and I'll have a race report coming soon. Part of me was a little disappointed, as I was a little off from last year...well ok I was a lot off fromlast year. Part of me can blame it on some of the issues I've been through in the past year, but that's a cowards way out. The good thing was I did have a pretty hefty support crew just wish I put on a better show for them.

Along the lines of other issues I've been litterally paying the piper for some of my past endeavors/mistakes, part of me thinks I should have listened to reason or some of my more conservative minded friends but upon analysis even if I knew then what I know now I probably would have made some of the same mistakes, did some of the same stuff because such is life.

Essentially part of me is trying to recover from this recession which has sort have put me in a state of depression. Essentially I find myself second guessing myself alot, putting myself down alot, and pretty much going through life sort of zombified. Part of me feels that people who have any sort of belief in me are building up hopes that are just going to be crushed when I let them down as always. I know I shouldn't think that way but I seriously feel like I just can't get out of this sprial and the more I try to move ahead the further behind I fall. The more I hear the news, the collection calls and the tales of doom and gloom, the more riding my bike off a cliff seems like a good idea,but somehow I still find the guts to get my ass out of bed in the morning to face the day, battered, shaking and wondering how much longer I can take it.

The Navy officer gig is offering hope ( goes to the board this month.),but I'm trying to lay back up plans as well. I'm thinking about becoming a swim ref and my buddy Alex has been trying to talk me into tri coaching. While part of me is tempted by the coaching idea, I seriously wonder do I have what it takes to coach? I mean seriously I have the world's most hodge podge training plan. In fact my advice to my athletes would probably be "If I've done it don't do it." Granted the 90 day Ironman training plan might catch on.

The other thing I find myself working on is how to balance training and a relationship. Up until recently I've been a solo assasin and my weekends were devoted soley to the bike, my shoes and the road. Now I'm trying to balance life with a GF with my training blocks. It's an adjustment but I think I'll be able to give Steph and the Stomper quality time,without either getting jealous.

There's more going on here maybe I'll mention it in another post but for now I've got a race report to work on and a long day at the office ahead.