Saturday, September 1, 2007

Stay Back Or I'll shoot you all like dogs.....

Well I was trying to get a picture to illistrate this fact ( and quote blantantly stolen from the 1997 movie Titanic ...the one where the second officer is threatening a group of guys trying to swarm a lifeboat and he pulls out a .45 magnum ( ok it was a .38 but it would have been cool if he went dirty harry) in fact there where only three good things about that movie 1. historical accuracy with the crew, sets, sinking sequence ( love story was a utter and completely cliche lie) 2. special effects 3. Kate Winslet's umm...well....nice drawing...) So I will illistrate the fact of what my day ( at least from 10-2. Another branch needed help and plane tickets to New Zealand don't pay for themseleves.) will look like with this other semi-violent crowded picture:

Hurry he's got cash! It alway seems like Saturday on the labor day weekend is the busiest. It's the last chance to "CASH MY BONUS CHECK!" for most people. ( the fine folks at Webster financial to avoid our own employees from partaking in this crisis, pay us next week.) I'm predicting that by noon I'll be handing out singles and fives which means ladies I'm sorry but when you go to pay for lunch it's going to be good old Abe and G-money Washington, which sadly leads to that "is she a waitress, bar tender, or a stripper?" look. So in advance If you get a stack of singles and not the one crispy benjamin you were looking for, I'm sorry but we're tossing out everything in the aresnal to keep the mob at bay. After work (if I survive....) I have a long ride/run on tap. The Hill-ilz-ils for the Nutmeg State Half are calling for a bitch stomping. The last two days nothing much has gone down: Thursday got in a swim ( 3000 yards ) Friday I got in 3200 yds in the morning, sandwhiched in work and then got a 7 miler in afterward. IM KY still in the air, my sisters want me to do it..Angry is giving me words of caution....I'm waiting till pay day to continue this debate.

Post the Hate! or Love? or just plain apathy.


Thursday, August 30, 2007

It' is an Ironwar....

That's right psycho Rob has gone off the deep end again and is now debating entering IM Kentucky ( quite frankly I want to have my posse with me at the finish line, also stelaing some of the thunder from my potential Kona competition ( or having a third shot at a slot) is playing a dangerous tango with my checkbook and vo2 max. Any other takers?

No Wet Suit Girl: Think about it an official M-dot roace nowhere in the remote vincinity of the AIDS ride.

Dr. Jodi: I'm assuming as you're reading this the credit card is coming out and you are preparing to talk a load of smack to other bloggers to get them in.

Ken: .....HEAT tent?

Angry: I'm not going to try to talk you into an ironman but if...I do this...should I be expecting to bring along my complete posse including one "coach" dressed in Kahkis and underarmor?

Ok now that my potential insanity is out of the way. Tonight will be another night at the pool logging in 3000+ yards of pain.
and now for some odd reason my computer is not letting me access slowtwitch forum links or pictures...damn that pisses me off. Bjoern has still not sent me "the packet" and now I'm getting pissed that I'm going to get a call on my lunch break at noon on Tuesday saying.."Rob can you drop everything and rush to Central it's urgent I need your signature!" To which I'll reply " Dude I'm still at work!" " But it's important for the club!" "Yeah and my job is important for my obsession with this sport." Well if it comes in tomorrow the triangle will be getting used if it comes Saturday Jane and I might be pulling a secret rendezvous at Barnes and the magazine rack complete with trench coats and secret cervelo comments have now frozen my abilities to insert pictures in my blog......stupid java script.....alright that's my nonsense for tonight..I'm off to the pool...leave some love, or hate, or plans that have been meticiously stolen from the cervelo corporation.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

More training , Cervelo is evil smack talk and CenTri madness...

Well Monday was my lazy day. After a long day at the office, the bike shop ( getting the Bitch Stomper taken care of after it's ass-kicking, bitch stomping, hot fire debut) I went for an easy 1250 yard swim. Yesterday was a little more of a return to normalcy as 4 mile run and a 3500 yd pool workout, got me feeling a little more like the hot fire stud I am ( whoa shit I'm sounding conceited). Today a 20 miler is on tap with a run or a pool workout being debated. Bjoern emailed me last night saying he needs my John Hancock to get more funding for the club...only problem he's in New York until Tues. and when he wants me to meet him on Tuesday I will be in the middle of cashing checks for the lunch rush. ( sometimes I miss having the life of a "normal" college wait.. I actually have some money....scrap that last thought...) Sometimes I wonder why I got involved with my school tri club...( because you want CCSU to kick UCONN's ass at collegiate Nats...also increase the pool of future HEATsters....damn it ken get out of my head...chicks cycling in bathing suits...ok I can think of the reasons I signed up happy now.) So now we will be involved in this whole awkward club officer mailing triangle in which he'll overnight me the forms, I'll have Jane ( our cute little VP) pick them up from me to have our advisor sign so they can be turned getting an extra $5k is a hassle.

Also I will take this moment to reveal a true enemy of diversity and freedom in the Triathlon world..a dreaded, evil, marketing giant that is trying to get the tri world dominated by "the man" and evil corporation so diabolical so evil, so sickeningly despicable it can only be known by one name.....

that's right Cervelo is fast becoming the enemy of triathletes looking to express themselves. Each year more and more or these two wheeled Nazi bikes show up in Kona and on the local circuts. What can be done to avoid the eventual tri world domination that the sick corporate types at Cervelo are planning.. boycott the beasts. Stay true to bikes that are catered to your individual style. Break out a felt, a krestel, a guru, a litespeed, or someother obsure brand. Go throw down on an Elite , a scott, a giant or a Kuota. But if your going to sell out go with a tri specific company like Qroo. Or companies that have had kick ass time trial performances in Le tour like Trek ( shout out to Lance, Geroge, Levi, y Contador!), Giant, Bianchi (Jan Ulrich), BMC ( the tetosterone brothers Floyd Landis and Alexandre Vinnokourov) or throw down on good old American bikes like Specialized ( made in Tawain) or Cannondale ( built by the best illegal craftsmen in Bethel CT) Ok now that I have caused a few laughs, a few cuss outs and now have a pack of Cervelo riders planning on how to take my ass out at the Nutmeg State Half Iron I'm going to get in my training ride before a pack of angry P2 carbons decide to chase me through Woodbury.

Monday, August 27, 2007


Well yesterday was the Park City Mossman, the last true race for the 2007 season. I know I have the Half Iron coming up, Hammerfest is being debated...Relay team HEATster is being assembled for Madison, and Anthony is trying to coerce me into a trail run in November. Angry wants me to continue the Bitch Stomp Fest on the 5k circuit. I've got the
Hartford Half Marathon on the back burner ( I did one 26.2 miler this year and if I do another it will cut into valuable New Zealand Training time.) Somewhere in there I will have to juggle in classes, crap at home and the bank, training, long rides in what the farmer's almanac is calling the New England Ice age ( yet other guys are predicting it to be a warmer winter...I guess it will be typical New England 70's one week below zero for the next month, and about normal for two weeks after that.), Master's meets, lifeguarding, Christmas, ...let's just say the carefree training and racing days are officially at an end. Now I must race deadlines, the weather, and darkness. The racing season has ended and the juggling season has begun.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Brigdeport thou hast been Bitched Stomped!!!!

Yep that's right despite having too much electrolyte drink on the bike, swallowing about two gallons of sea water water on the swim, cramping like nobody's business on the run, and missing my podium due to GI distress, I manage to persevere and Bitch Stomp the rest of my age group, (winning by a hard fought 20 seconds.) Here's how it went down: ( note I have no clue who team mossman is using for results so I'll have splits posted later in the week....month....year....whenever I can find them.....)

The Swim: Two loops of Salty Goodness.
The more I do these Salt Water Tris, the more I'm finding a love hate relationship developing
Love: Waves and current can give me a favorable time boost if the conditions are right.
Love: Some of my Fastest Splits Have been in Salt Water
Love: Cool ocean Temperatures make my wetzoot nice and comfortable allowing optimum performance.
Hate: Salty Water Taste ( oh how I pine for West Hill Lake.....Friday night.), Jelly Fish and the stings thereof, low tide messing with my swim exit, did I mention the dehydrating pure salt taste of Long Island Sound?, Having to soak all my tri gear in fresh Water to get rid of Ocean Residue.
Well all my gripes aside the swim was actually pretty enjoyable today. As I started wide and cut my way in toward the first bouy. Once again I had managed to get toward the front, yet now I found my self in a 5 person wrestling match as we fought for the same water. I decided to get on the feet of the fastest guy and followed his line to the next four bouys. By the turn at the beach It was a four man breakaway. I talked to the leader ( some German/Dutch/Danish Dude From NYC who said his sole goal was to win the swim. As we Started our in the Water Jog around the bouy. It was at this point I decided that my wetzoot was not made for running and as soon as I found waist deep water I started to swim for the first bouy. It was about this time No Wet Suit Guy ( I'm not sure if there's a relation to No Wet Suit Girl...don't think so but it proves that there are more people than Claire that go sans Neoprene.) darted around me and the race leader and quickly got a 25 yard lead. I passed the dude from NYC as we turned at the first bouy and made chase after No Wet suit Guy. It was about this time that we caught the slow pack form the third and second waves ( Angry and I had left in the first because hey we're young and studly like that.) When we got to the Beach No Wet Suit Guy was 10 yards ahead and I was being chased by a National Team Memember.... as I entered T-1 in second place.
T-1: I think all distances should have wet suit strippers.
The National team memember passed me as I struggled to get my feet out of the wetsuit. I put on my helmet and sunglasses & shoelessly ran out the Bitch Stomper. As I got to the mount line I realized I should never use elasttics to keep my shoes upright again and lost two spots and a precious three seconds as I unhooked my shoes from my water bottles rode on them barefoot for a quarter mile before slipping in like a pro.
The Bike: Go Bitch Stomper! Go Bitch Stomper! Go Bitch Stomper Go! or less HEED is more .
The bike for this thing was flat as a panacake, the only work was the head wind on the front half. I was passed by about ten people through out the course of the 5 loops of the bike. Now Today I broke one of the Ten Commandments of triathlon and the Tri Gods Pimped smacked me across the face deservingly. Last night I decided to take Hammer's advice and put two scoops of HEED in my aero drink instead of my usual one....the results were electrolyte mix was too damn sweet and I would lose more precious milli-seconds grabbing my water bottles...I also sacrificed one bottle to dillute the sickly sweet mess in my aero drink...the bottom line I took in too much fluid and I knew I was going to be a suffering bastard on the in hind sight follow tri commandment Number 3 " Do not change your previously established routines on race day." One each of the loops as I passed the far turn around I would ride by Angry Runner who was maybe half to quarter of a lap behind and each loop he would say something different.
Loop 1: "Bitch Stomper!"
Loop2: "I'm going to pyramid like we'd dicussed"
Loop3: "Why Haven't you lapped me already?"
Loop4: "The guy infront of you doesn't deserve that aero helmet."..or some thing to that affect....I really don't know I was in the zone
Loop5: Too busy trying to chase down 40 something who passed me on a road bike. granted he was a lap behind.
Some equipment failure did befall the bitch stomper on her madein voyage. At the far turn we were greeted by the roughest strech of Pavement in Fairfield County, the bolt holding my seat to the post shook loose. Also my computer shit the bed as I tried to reset it after my warm up ride, hence I have no clue how fast I was going...all I know is my sister got mostly shots of my back of my (borrowed) HEAT jersey as I rode by which is what my competition was seeing all day. As I came in off the last hairpin I decided that it was a logical execution of opportunity to do my sexy shoeless dismount...which went off almost flawless, ( I scraped my foot a little on my dismount.)
T-2 I feel like I'm going to puke ...damn it I'm not going to puke on an Olympic Tri.
My stomach was cramping and unsettled as I slipped on my running shoes and threw on my Timex Visor. I took off out of transition behind a guy from Team Runner's Edge as we chased down a memeber of the dreaded Cycle Center Squad. At the Half-mile mark I got around the Runner's Edge guy but could only hold him for 400 meters before he re passed me at the turn around and he and the Cycle Center Runner began to pull away, from my semi-hydrated yet, GI distressed self. I passed Angry as he made his way up to the turn around I shouted to him. " Get Pissed off!" He shouted back " You got another guy from Heat up in about 4th palce reel him in. " the sad thing is I do know the other HEATster that was man handling me ( met him at Central during masters...(sigh I miss it already.) his bike split is freaking phenominal) but I can't remember his name ( I do know he is one of the IM USA wrecking crew.) I saw another memember of team Blazeman (War on ALS) ( Nick) as he ran by I shouted out a "Go Warrior!" To him and it helpped perk him up a he suffered through the run ( coming off of the Lake Placid, Timberman Combo as I would find out when we talked post race.). As I passed the turn around ( and took in more water, hey I needed it it was freaking humid GI distress or not.) was met by some encouragement from some fellow HEATsters as I heard 3 or 4 shouts of Go HEAT! and I gave a shout of the same phrase to my teamate that was manhandling the competiton and any other Heatster that was wearing the gear. As I ran to the second turn around still feeling the cramps I saw on guy fom my age group on his first lap cramping and doing the run/walk of doom. ( I went through that at mile 23 on my marathon.) I gave hima pat on the back and " Come on man you got this." as I ran past. I took two waters at the turn aid station as my mouth felt like sandpaper, my body felt like it was overheating, and my stomach was chiming in with " You asshole I can't take anymore fluid." I watch disheartened as an XC stud from Marist Clad in his full running gear flew Past me and some of the older guys I was struggling with. . I ran by Angry and after a high five and a "pick them off one at a time" I surged. I passed three guys before my stomach brought me back to reality with a " if you keep this shit up I'm going to puke. " Once again I shouted a "Go Warrior !"to Nick as he plowed on his way to the turn around. Again I surged and again I was bitch smacked by my aching stomach. I passed the final aid staiton and began my 400 meter approach through a tunnel of people.Shouts of "You got this! Go Heat! Almost there! " echoed accross the road. I saw the finish line clock 2:17.59 I crossed hand pointed skyward because I knew there were some people on the other side that were keeping me going. ( you know God, dead Realtives, the Blazeman, Angry's mom with a quiver of wooden spoons.) 2:18 was my finish time. I grabbed a sobe life water and a wet rag which quickly feel to the sand. I slowly sipped the life water but it did nothing for the cramps as My cheering section ( Christina and Julia) made our way toward the the finish line to watch for Angry. I saw another Heatster finish, then I was doubled over with cramps, I would straighten up watch 2..3...5..guy finish then again collaspe with cramps...watched angry come in locked in a battle with an old Guy shouted at him to push! he edged him out on the Line. Nick the Balzeman Warrior was a few seconds behind and ran accross the line. No log he put it as we BSed after the race..."If I rolled I don't think I'd be able to get up." Bsed with Nick Then BSed with Angry. collasped on a towel in transition as Angry packed his shit. "Dude you are really fucked up aren't you?" " GI distress...too much HEED!" man this is a complete turn around normally he's the one suffering GI failure . I went to pack my crap. Collasped on my towel with some it would look like I was a Muslim at prayer as I knelt on on my Transition mat trying to compress the pain out of my mid section. After dropping my gear to the car I ran to the bath room. Sat down and get the picture...go to get toliet paper. there is none. Hear angry calling for me..Call out to him to get me some napkins from the snack bar. He comes back with them for me just as they announce I've won my age group. I finish my business and dash for the podium I'm too late for the pic but I get my goodie bag. Go back and finish business. Grap a thing of Pretzels and Angry and I bs through the giveaways. the Cramps start to subside but are still there...go to med tent ( ie an Ambulance with two EMT) ask for tums or rolaids don't have any. Go back to the car drive home. un pack my crap, before doing 2 of the 4 s's and heading to lunch. Come home collaspe on the couch for 3 hours. Write on the blog about my exploits and then take out trash. All in all it's been a Hell of a day.

The Night Before Park City

That's right tomorrow is my last intermediate distance tri of the 2007 season. It also marks christening day for the Bitch Stomper ( May God bless her, her rider and the numerous bitches it shall stomp.) Tomorrow also marks the first "real" test of endurance for Angry Runner. It's his longest tri and it will be his trial run before Eagleman...To Angry unlike Waramaug this course is flat, like Florida Flat, like miles and miles of corn rows and ten feet of snow midwest flat, serious the worst climb is the speed bump in the parking lot you drive over to get to the race.

Unfortunately our favorite girl who does not wear neoprene is back in Europe ( enjoying better mass transit, health care, currency, but drivers who are complete and utter psycopaths flooring it in their smart cars, and thick clouds of Spanish air pollution) and therefore she will not be competing with Angry and I in our International distance escapade. But the good news is I do have some pictures to imortalize her brief yet successful New England Tri Tour:

Yes Claire I think that Guy looks like Hannibal Lector as well. In fact he was in the Litchfield Starbucks ordering a Chanti Latte and I was quickly forced to use one of Cranky's clever alaises ("Gen. Peter Pace your mocha frappe is ready.")

Well I need to get some sleep....there are age groups to win, times to beat, and bitches to stomp in the morining. Also to those of you that have donated to the War on ALS and Angry's Crusade to Bitch Stomp Luekemia, Thank you. And for those of you considering to Donate, your contributions are much appreciated even if it is as small as 1 Transyvainan dracma, or 1 Monzambique Dollar, it does make a difference..( ok I will end my shameless charity two months you might see me on TV doing an add for ALS or Save the Children followed by an add for the IDT technical institue where you could earn your high school diploma or get your degree in business management or accounting...Sally Struthers eat your heart out. but seriously please doesn't have to be a huge donation, it could be as little as a buck but think of it this way it could be the buck that buys the burger for some researcher having lunch with another researcher when they both by random chance come up with a cure for a terrible disease, because they compared notes during their lunch break.) Ok enough with the salesman stuff I need sleep. Until the Post Race.