Does the high price of Ironman races have you down?
Have you taken out a 3rd mortgage on your house to get to Kona?
Are you tired of using your hard earned savings to put you bike mechanics grandkids through college?
If you've answered yes to any of these questions have we got the Ironman Officially Sanctioned product for you Introducing the Ironman Rewards Visa Card!The Ironman Rewards Visa card is the perfect solution for the cash strapped triathlete. If you have grade AAA+ credit, never been late on a payment since you owed dues in cub scouts you will qualify for our low monthly rate of 28%APR ( rates for lower tier credit can vary from 35%-1265% APR daily.) Plus it's the official card of Ironman. I mean come on can you deprive your M-dot engraved wallet the M-dot engraved credit card.
The Ironman Rewards Visa actually rewards you for signing up for Ironman Races by keeping your interest rate at it's current rate.
( using your Ironman Rewards Visa Card to sign up for non-WTC sanctioned races may result in interest penalties, revocation of credit privileges , and our legal dream team suing you and our competition's race directors for all of their earthly wealth and possessions ...yes you heard us we're going to go scorched earth on you , we will MESS YOU UP!!)
Likewise for every Ironman Race you sign up for we will throw in a second race T-shirt for a nominal fee.
I know what you're asking? What if in this crazy economy I'm not able to make payments or I lose my job and need a payment plan. We here at the Ironman Visa Rewards program have a very skilled collections and debt management squad dedicated to getting us our money...I mean getting you back on track. Our collections process is very simple you pay or we will send our collections team to destroy your gear, burn you home or hold your family for ransom until we get our money.
I know what your saying sign me up, so what are you waiting for pickup your M-dot engraved phone and call today and the Ironman Rewards Visa Card can be yours.
Disclaimer: This product is not really sanctioned by Visa, Ironman, World Triathlon Corporation or Providence Equity Partners. This is not a real product just a parody created by a broke college grad. Please Don't sick your legal dream team on me. If you are going to sue me all I own is a laptop and a car and if you really want an 02 Subaru Outback with over 220K miles on it I'll toss you the keys. Hope you all got a laugh out of it.