Might this be the next thing from the wonderful minds of WTC

Does the high price of Ironman races have you down?
Have you taken out a 3rd mortgage on your house to get to Kona?
Are you tired of using your hard earned savings to put you bike mechanics grandkids through college?

If you've answered yes to any of these questions have we got the Ironman Officially Sanctioned product for you Introducing the Ironman Rewards Visa Card!The Ironman Rewards Visa card is the perfect solution for the cash strapped triathlete. If you have grade AAA+ credit, never been late on a payment since you owed dues in cub scouts you will qualify for our low monthly rate of 28%APR ( rates for lower tier credit can vary from 35%-1265% APR daily.) Plus it's the official card of Ironman. I mean come on can you deprive your M-dot engraved wallet the M-dot engraved credit card.

The Ironman Rewards Visa actually rewards you for signing up for Ironman Races by keeping your interest rate at it's current rate.
( using your Ironman Rewards Visa Card to sign up for non-WTC sanctioned races may result in interest penalties, revocation of credit privileges , and our legal dream team suing you and our competition's race directors for all of their earthly wealth and possessions ...yes you heard us we're going to go scorched earth on you , we will MESS YOU UP!!)
Likewise for every Ironman Race you sign up for we will throw in a second race T-shirt for a nominal fee.

I know what you're asking? What if in this crazy economy I'm not able to make payments or I lose my job and need a payment plan. We here at the Ironman Visa Rewards program have a very skilled collections and debt management squad dedicated to getting us our money...I mean getting you back on track. Our collections process is very simple you pay or we will send our collections team to destroy your gear, burn you home or hold your family for ransom until we get our money.

I know what your saying sign me up, so what are you waiting for pickup your M-dot engraved phone and call today and the Ironman Rewards Visa Card can be yours.
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Disclaimer: This product is not really sanctioned by Visa, Ironman, World Triathlon Corporation or Providence Equity Partners. This is not a real product just a parody created by a broke college grad. Please Don't sick your legal dream team on me. If you are going to sue me all I own is a laptop and a car and if you really want an 02 Subaru Outback with over 220K miles on it I'll toss you the keys. Hope you all got a laugh out of it.

I need to get out of this place....

if it's the last thing I ever do.

Well on that refrain I have decided to give up triathlon. To give up my crazy quest to have some girl like me and settle down with me and seek personal glory.I have decided to answer the call and become a Catholic Priest. I talked to Father Rod Limpus at the Archdiocese of Hartford and have decided to enter the seminary ASAP. I feel that this self reflective road and life of service will help make me a better human being and fufill my true place in the universe. I have decided that I will enter the Benedictine Monestary, The Abbey of St. Michael in Carlsbad, CA for my theological studies. There I can cloister myself away from the world and truly reflect on what is important. This abbey tends to be a little strict so this might be my last blog post for a while, also they tend to be super strict on the no women thing so to all my female acquaintances this is the end of the line for our friendship...or at least for the next 7 years as I study for ordination, or try to keep contact with me through Father Rod. His email is limp-rod@archdioceseofhartford.org

Well I've got to go I've got a lot of shit...stuff to sell on ebay.
R.D.

Ok I couldn't write it with a straight face.
Happy April Fools' Day Everybody!
R.D.

Also nothing against guys going into the Roman Collar club but it simply isn't for me. This coming from years of contempleation.

Cures for nerveousness:

Well we're two days out from the Hartford Marathon and the nerves are hitting me. The "Oh shit why the Hell did I sign up for this madness my calves will probably die a slow painful fiery death and I'll be forced to finish out my academic semester in a wheel chair" thoughts.

This could lead to Pre Race Anxiety disorder (PRA) which usually leads to the following symptoms:
Over anxious talking about running ( or sporting competitions that shall remain name less.)
Cold Sweat
Trembling of the hands and legs
nervous gear checking and double checking
Overly Friendly personality
Listening to crap even the most flamboyant gay man would never admit to on an i-pod.

I have discovered a scientific maneuver that can help alleviate the symptoms of pre-race anxiety
introducing:
THE FIST TO GUT MANEUVER

FTGM is guaranteed to bring a PRA suffer's concerns away from the source of stress. The secret ingredients are Pain and Fear. Pain immediately gets the patient's mind off the pre races stress and Fear of future FTGM treatments helps to keep them away. That's right the fist to gut maneuver is a much safer alternative to previous PRA treatments with out the psychological effects of the Slap Across the Face Motion, or the reproductive side affects of the Swift Kick Between the Legs Protocol . FTGM is easy to preform

• The first step is to find a person suffering the above symptoms of PRA (Pre-race anxiety)

• Inform them that you are trained in FTGM and are willing to help.

• Clench your hand in a fist with the thumb securely on the outside, depending on the severity of the symptoms of PRA you may want to put on rings or brass knuckles to help speed the affect.

• Cock your arm back and in one swift motion extend to full length striking the paitent's abdomen slightly above the navel, sufficiently knocking the wind out of the patient.

• Continue with pre-race preparations as normal.

Remember FTGM may not be for everybody, especially those who are pregnant, suffer unusually low self esteem or anger management issues, as well as members of the opposite sex. FTGM may result in pre-mature birth, broken ribs, shortness of breath and other potentially dangerous side effects. Riots and brawling may occur..please consult your doctor or mental health professional before beginning a FTGM regiment. FTGM is a Complicated procedure and should only be preformed by those who have taken an appropriate training course.

FTGM is a sure fire way to know that you will pull one of your fastest competitions although the post -race may be ugly.

R.D.