Well it's here, race week. I have a sprint on Wednesday, then two days of light training and then the race Sunday...and the big question? Is a crazy dream worth economic suicide. Part of me feels that if I get that Kona slot I should just turn it down...save my money after all Kona isn't going anywhere and when I'm 30+ I'd be better prepared for it, I might enjoy it more. But the other part of me is this could be a one time shot...one of those deals that you get only once, and either you take it or you don't. Either you suck it up and go after you dream or you kill it. You end up Moonlight Graham, that 70 year old doctor still wondering what it would have been like to get that one major leauge at bat as a 20 year old kid. If I get that slot there is going to be a lot of soul searching and cost benefit analysis going on in those 10-20 minutes from result posting to roll down.
My training this weekend went well. Lots of miles in the saddle and an open water swim. I needed to fix the front deraileur but luckily I had the issue on a training ride not a race. My new HEAT gear in today. The jersey is a little snug but it'll stretch with a few races. When I throw on my race gear nothing else matters...it's just go like Hell and hang on for dear life. Sure there's a stack of bills on the table worries on if I'll get my degree over the summer or if I'll have to suck it up until December, the real world questions of what to do with my life. But those are for pre-race and post race in the race there is nothing else that matters but the finish line.
Part of me wonders if racing is worth all that I put into it. Sure it makes me happy but is it worth the time I could devote to a second job. Is it worth the money I put into it...after all my stack of bills isn't getting any smaller. Is it make me focus more on the short term and not enough on the long term? I really don't know if it's hindering or improving my life but I do know I'd be partially empty without it.