Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The debate to quit or not to quit?

Well Today I was forced to call out sick from work as my body rebelled after a moderate night of training. I rode ten mile last night and ran 6 I would have rode longer but I decided to bail on the rest of my riding group after a quick drenching rain storm. ( part of me feels my collarbone intact, and my ability to be able to type freely takes precednece over training miles.) I was awakened at 3:30 in the morning with stomach cramps which kept me wake until 5:30 there was no way I was going to be able to function at work the way my stomach was so I called out. hence the second of my 4 vacation weeks has been spent. ( I used two sick days on papers, two days on flying home, one day journeying from Eagleman,)I have decided there will be no week of vacation for me this summer, I need the money and am an overtime whore so that takes precedent. I haven't thought about training today to recover, I might not train tomorrow to let my stomach settle back into a normal rythim after work. All and all I'm realistically thinking of scrapping any races after Providence, part of me feels like that's madness but the other realizes that Work and school are truly what matters, I have bills outstanding from the Hellish May that hit our house and quite frankly I find it hard to focus on racing and going fast with how the hell am I going to afford all this weighing on my mind. So for as short as it maybe 2008 was ok, I still have 3 races left, and still have yet to podium, I'm starting to think toward 09, whether I will race or enter a self imposed retirement, to coach, finish school, pay off debt and figure out what to do with the rest of my life. Part of me is aching to go back to New Zealand and finish a little unfinished business with the sport essentially I don't want to quit until I finish in Kona. Yesterday as I ran and group rode I remembered why I got into the sport and maybe the empty spot it would leave if I gave it up, but the other part of me knows that this world is made of dollars, cents, Pounds and Euros, that financial security means and makes all the difference in the world. Part of me chimes in after a training ride that that could have been 3 -4 hours working part time, $21-30, overtime at work, time spent on a thesis, the other part that remembers when I came back from NY working 70 hour weeks for crap pay, no life, I had the gas station and the video game shop, I gave up on going out with friends, considered giving up my sister's graduation party for overtime, I was called in on my days off without complaint, I was every employers dream come true and decaying on the inside. Then it happended some one came in buying gatorade and a powerbar, doing her first triathlon, two years previous that where I stood, my parents didn't get it, that I could take that money and save it for college, or gas money. I went to college for two years tried to become a D-I swimmer and instead became a D-I boozer, then the gas staion attendant, the following year I resolved to race again and did and now find myself here once again, I'm thinking like my parents did in the summer of 03 I could be spending the time and money somewhere else and then they responded when I told them that by pulling a total 180 " Don't give it up, if it brings you joy." They claimed that before tri I had no passion, I dabbled here and there and would pretty much dabble through life, but for once it seems I had found something I liked and acceled at. So now here's where I stand do I give up passion for money?
R.D.

5 comments:

Big ass sitter said...

I'm sure you can do both if you put your all into it.You'll never forget the feeling you will get when you cross that finish line at Kona. It takes a lot and you have to give up some things but you will never be in better shape and your spirit will rise.

Bjorn Boyer said...

It's hard to believe what I am reading. How could you stop doing the one thing in life that you truly love? You will be misserable. Sleeping, Eating, Working...can't possibly be the way to go. You need to let off some steam. Racing & training became an essential part of your life and taking it away will be like breathing no air. I was forced to stop playing soccer for one year not knowing if I could return(after I had played for 15 years). That time was the bottom of my young life. I wouldn't give up sports for anything in my life. It keeps me balanced and motivated to get up the next day.
I know you are fanatic about this sport and after reeading your race schedule for this year I declared you as insane...if you would simply cut back on some of the races you would save a lot of money. I would love to race every weekend but I can't do it financially. I was able to fit about 3 races into this years schedule which is enough to keep me happy. Think about the good times you would be missing...don't stop...slow down (but not in a race).

BreeWee said...

NO NO NO! NO NO NO!

Life is so short, you just never know the last breath... if you are happy then you are doing the right thing, in the right spot, with the right one, living right!!! If you are not, THEN make some changes...

Money, yes I want more, who doesn't, BUT joy... money can't buy that! never chose $$ over a smile...

Speed Racer said...

You MUST be in a low place to write this. What I don't know if you're seeing is that there's a whole bunch of middle ground between a race schedule like a top-tier pro's, and dropping the sport entirely. Swimming, biking, and running are in and of themselves not really that expensive. You have a bike and you have a pool and you have running shoes, so you don't really NEED much else. Maybe what you really need to excel at the sport is not to be racing every weekend and buying more and more fancy bike parts, but just taking a year or two to do the really, really inglorious parts of training. Imagine how much you could get done in a year (or two) of just focusing on your weaknesses without the distraction of racing A races all over the world. Then, when your finances are in better shape, when you're out of school, and have a well paying job with decent hours and real weekends, you can unveil the new, improved, dangerous as hell Bob Almighty. And another thing that I'm not sure if you've noticed: they have ironman races here in the northern hemisphere here too.

And one last thing: Kona's not going anywhere. If you don't get there in the 20-24 AG, then you can still go when you're 25-30. In the meantime (until you have the MONEY to get to HI when you qualify) you could do some NON-Mdot races to really master the distance. There's one in MA at the end of August. I'm sure that there are more that are close enough that you wouldn't even need a hotel room the night before and you could sign up from the comfort of your own home.

Bob Almighty said...

Guys thanks for the nice comments,

I wrote this suffering from illness and severe stress, so yes Claire it was at a pretty low point.

contary to popular belef though I have not pimped my ride since last summer(when I had to swap out my computers after Park City..which was free boo-yah warantee) so all the cassette, crank, deraileur swapping and aero wheel talk has been pipe dreaming... also I did not make it to Kona this year....one day...maybe.

2008 was over ambitious, and some unforeseen events have made some logistics a nightmare...irregardless I do need to make some major cut backs.