Cures for nerveousness:

Well we're two days out from the Hartford Marathon and the nerves are hitting me. The "Oh shit why the Hell did I sign up for this madness my calves will probably die a slow painful fiery death and I'll be forced to finish out my academic semester in a wheel chair" thoughts.

This could lead to Pre Race Anxiety disorder (PRA) which usually leads to the following symptoms:
Over anxious talking about running ( or sporting competitions that shall remain name less.)
Cold Sweat
Trembling of the hands and legs
nervous gear checking and double checking
Overly Friendly personality
Listening to crap even the most flamboyant gay man would never admit to on an i-pod.

I have discovered a scientific maneuver that can help alleviate the symptoms of pre-race anxiety
introducing:
THE FIST TO GUT MANEUVER

FTGM is guaranteed to bring a PRA suffer's concerns away from the source of stress. The secret ingredients are Pain and Fear. Pain immediately gets the patient's mind off the pre races stress and Fear of future FTGM treatments helps to keep them away. That's right the fist to gut maneuver is a much safer alternative to previous PRA treatments with out the psychological effects of the Slap Across the Face Motion, or the reproductive side affects of the Swift Kick Between the Legs Protocol . FTGM is easy to preform

• The first step is to find a person suffering the above symptoms of PRA (Pre-race anxiety)

• Inform them that you are trained in FTGM and are willing to help.

• Clench your hand in a fist with the thumb securely on the outside, depending on the severity of the symptoms of PRA you may want to put on rings or brass knuckles to help speed the affect.

• Cock your arm back and in one swift motion extend to full length striking the paitent's abdomen slightly above the navel, sufficiently knocking the wind out of the patient.

• Continue with pre-race preparations as normal.

Remember FTGM may not be for everybody, especially those who are pregnant, suffer unusually low self esteem or anger management issues, as well as members of the opposite sex. FTGM may result in pre-mature birth, broken ribs, shortness of breath and other potentially dangerous side effects. Riots and brawling may occur..please consult your doctor or mental health professional before beginning a FTGM regiment. FTGM is a Complicated procedure and should only be preformed by those who have taken an appropriate training course.

FTGM is a sure fire way to know that you will pull one of your fastest competitions although the post -race may be ugly.

R.D.