Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

Well my week leading up to Patriot has had some varied news from

Some good ( my Gramps lending me the money to drive up, only 7 guys in the elite wave and none of them from last year's race. )

To the so-so ( my creditors continuing to hound me for that damn stimulus check, seriously if it came in May like it was supposed to that would have saved me a lot of grief.)

To the Oh Shit ( Providence next week and I have to find a room for under $100 a night), to the reliving ( I'm not getting laid off !)

To the just plain why don't you just shoot me now how bout it ( they're talking that diesel might hit $6 a gallon and it could be one of the coldest winters on record, some of my friends have lost jobs, can't find jobs, I'd be really f**king screwed if I lost my job but I'm keeping my resume and the want ads within reach in case I do., to my sisters and my parents are at each other's throats, one of my sister's wanting to move out west with me , if I move out west if I can afford to, do my homework on rents, jobs, living conditions, taxes, laws, local customs, fiscal forecasting for the next 3 years, pay my debts down to a more sustainable level, finish college , find decent employment, needless to say this got into the you sound alot like mom and dad and if you put it off , you'll never leave, and the I can't wait until 2 years after college to do this I have to do it so I can go to grad school out there.)
so yeah there has been a lot on my mind.

One of my pipe dreams would be to move to the West Coast, somewhere where the definition of cold is 45 F, and snow is only something you see in Christmas movies. That's been one of the reasons cash and my hellish couple of months have had me so stressed out. Since my ancestors crossed down from Canada a majority of my family has settled and stayed in New England, part of me has always wanted to be different, in a family of Red Sox Fans I was the first Yankee fan, everyone likes chocolate ice cream, I like vanilla..etc....in essence I don't want to live like the rest of my ancestors settling in Connecticut, taking care of mom, dad, x number of kids, bitching about the snow in the winter, the heat in the summer, and how the State pension check seems to be coming slower every month, before croaking and being buried in the same cemetery as all the rest. But I'm also the planner, I have to make sure everything is set, I have contingencies and contingencies on my contingencies, one of those is realizing that I will be responsible for a hell of a lot more than I am now on my own and I would have to make sure that I make enough to support my bills plus this "little" tri habit that I've picked up along the way. I'm thinking that another couple of years of hard labor, smart job hunting or training and certifications would have me in a position that I might be able to make it. I'm seriously starting to look to teaching as a
serious option, but Connecticut's standards are so freaking high it would take me another four years of schooling and debt to be eligible to teach in the public high schools,and the pay in the private schools, well I'd be better off as a bank teller, hence one reason why I want to leave CT

So yeah that's what's been beating around my noggin for the past few weeks.

My mind is a scary place.
R.D.