Man on the run...reflections on why I do what I do...

Well for the first time in what seems like ages I managed to get more than 2 runs in, in one week. Today I went for my 3rd run in my new 769's and ironically enough it was my second run of the week over 7 miles. I did my normal hillolicious route through Wolcott. Passed by all the usual hotspots in this small town ran over the reservoir, up the long twisty curves of long meadow rode. Got my balls busted by one of my banking customers, as I darted ast his house. It was the typical slog. I have to say I was hay that the weather was above 40F for the first time in a while and I was abe to break out the shorts. Likewise due to there being less traffic than when I attempted this route on Thursday I was able to cut 3 minutes off the clock. I hoping the weather wil co-operate with me for the next few weeks so I can get my running back up to snuff and *gasp* maybe organize an outdoor ride.

I have to admit not having an early season Ironman to look forward to has killed some of my motivation, but sadly my mind sort of needed the reprieve. I'm still debating on what races I should do.

I'm talking to the Navy recruiter on Monday to find out more about the OCS application process and see roughly how long it should take. I know application processing takes roughly 6-8 weeks, not counting all the leg work I have to put into the application itself.
I managed to email the crew at Rev3 to findout if I get discount for volunteering at last year's event turns out I do so I might enter it if I'm not already in the grips of OCS.

I could go into more of the reasons why I'm considering joining but the biggest seems I'm just not that interested in the opportunities I'm finding in the civilian world, and maybe that's the reason I feel called to go into this. I want to be challenged, I want to give back, and I want to be able to say I've done things people have only dreamed of ( yes I want to go in as a pilot or NFO (read guy in the backseat of a fighter jet.), aviation battery and eye tests willing. )

Wouldn't mind if they paid for medschool while I'm in that was my intial goal (figure there are a lot of wounded Marines and civilans out there that need care.) but the more I look into it the more I'm seeing that if I'm going to put myself through the Hell that is OCS the more I want to do something that is going to push me to my limits. I have some friends and family members that say that's not me, but the thing is the only time I ever gain any sort off confidence in myself is not when I'm coddled and "atta-boyed" it's when I stripped to the very core of my soul and I have to realize that I am better than my current situation, that I can achieve the impossible, that essentialy I'm left with no option but success.

All last year I sat there and kept looking at my photos and race reports from both my Ironmans, I had to take a good long look in the mirror because I felt so far from the guy who's Doctor said "You should probably ask for a refund." after he got his injury prognosis then decided to race anyway. I had to ask myself alot was that really me that did all that stuff?, The guy who's been sitting in the perpetual gutter watching everything fll apart around him with dread and trepidtion. Was he the one that did two Ironmans? Is he th guy who's entered marathons on scant trining and PRed. Last summer my heart wasn't in my racing, there was too much crap clouding my vision. There's still alot of crap clouding my vision but I'm finally feeling I'm finding myself again. I'm the guy who likes to take on popular opinion and say "Bring it Bitch!" Whatever happens to me in 2010 I've got to stop being a whiner and be fighter because that's what I truly am.

R.D

Dare to Dream and take Risks?

Upon looking at my poll results, it looks like Ironman Arizona is in the cards if I can get a general entry slot in November, I've been crunching the numbers to see if a New Zealand/ Arizona double is in the mix or would be fiscal suicide, upon review I might be able to swing it if Catherine and Jo Ann could tolerate putting my hairy arse up for two weeks, if I make Kona, I will have to sell vital organs, my car and soul or my parents real estate gig will have to take off pronto ( granted it will anyway, the active adult community has given them 2 deals and at least 3 prospects) but my dad's promise rings in my ears " You earn a Kona slot and we'll find a way to get you there." Needless to say my escape from number crunching my bills and earnings, has been number crunching flights and hotels in Taupo, along with Flights, hotel, and rental car arrangements to Tempe and the Big Island, with my earnings. Bjoern said he'd be down for Tempe so splitting a hotel and rental car could make it a very, very, managable trip if we can both get general entry. Park City at this point is looking more and more like it's in the scrap heap, and I'm trying to tuck enough away for Nutmegman. I never thought I'd say I miss the sprints and olympics, but upon looking at my calendar and finding a majority of my races have been halves, I have to say I kind of miss the variety I had last year. For as stressful as 2007 was 2008 has been more so. I hadn't been able to really enjoy the time leading up to my races. Financial worries plauged me from the day after Nutmeg up until my flight to Taupo. Every race the worries would hit, do I have enough for gas, bills, hotel, food. I've only had one podium technically 2 if I went AG, but anytime I can get a shot in the elite I'll take it. I've found that my family and friends definitely have great faith in my ablities, for my realatives to pool resources and lend me cash to compete, it speaks volumes, especially in our situation.

All I can do to get through the montony of work and bills, is train and plan for the next race. To qoute from one of my favorite movies , Rudy, " Dreams are what make life tolerable." Most of my life I've been told I don't dream enough, I try to stay in the concrete, what I can do today, what I've gotten in the past. Recently I've been dreaming a little too much, but unlike a lot of dreamers I realize dreams are only achieved through hard work and follow through. I can't sit on my ass and expect to do a sub-10:30 Ironman and qualify for Kona , I can't sit at a desk pissing and moaning expecting it's going to get me out of debt and put a bachelor's degree in my hand. Positive energy goes only halfway, the other half you have to put out. With all the negative that's been circling in my life lately I've been trying to get upbeat, I plan, and I execute. I take some risks, put myself out there, I've almost thought of going for and FHA loan to buy investment property in popped bubble markets (even though they're cheap my debt to income sucks right now and I know it. So that will wait until I'm making more than $19k and pocketing $15k after taxes, 401k and benefits. It could pay dividends other wise I will have a vacation home in Florida....and California... and Nevada.... to sell/rent at cut throat prices.)

All the fiscal shit aside, one reason I have NZ for 09 is the fact I want to have one last crack at Kona as an 18-24 AG athlete, Tempe is game over for that AG ( granted I expect to be riding like Hell on Wheels because I will have more favorable training conditions.) because it's a qualifier for 2010 in which I'd be entering the slightly more competitive 25-29 bracket, against former collegiate swimmers and runners, also despite it's the 25th Anniversary, IMNZ is slow to sell out, where as IMAZ could be an equally expensive endeavor if I log on to my PC late and miss the General Entry ( then the debate is do I go with a community fund slot? or buy a training package with Entry and training camp from Multisport.com) If I don't get to Kona by 30 I'm giving up on the dream to go pro, because by that point I will have to be going pro speed to qualify in my age group. Part of me embraces risk, my parents tried to play it safe and ended up in deeper shit than if they took risks in their careers, in investment, in life in general. They have often told me to live opposite of the way they lived, maybe one of the reasons as I begged my dad to talk me out of IMNZ 09 he encouraged me to get my shit handled and do it. Indeed upon looking at the battering I've taken this year I'm not too bad off, a couple of things got /are getting paid late, had some major scares but by September I'll be all square, life will be back to normal, granted I'll still be crashing with Grandpa. Well I've gone on like Mac Beth, speaking "the tale of an idiot ,a lot of sound and fury signifying nothing."- Bill S. My hope for 09 is that by the time August rolls around I will have my degree in hand, and gainful entry level career, an emerging coaching business, and some 20 year olds pissing themseleves with fear on the big island, because my lycra clad prosterior chain will be making its way to the start line in Kona.

Paying his dues, bearing his scars and getting tougher by the second.
R.D.

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

Well my week leading up to Patriot has had some varied news from

Some good ( my Gramps lending me the money to drive up, only 7 guys in the elite wave and none of them from last year's race. )

To the so-so ( my creditors continuing to hound me for that damn stimulus check, seriously if it came in May like it was supposed to that would have saved me a lot of grief.)

To the Oh Shit ( Providence next week and I have to find a room for under $100 a night), to the reliving ( I'm not getting laid off !)

To the just plain why don't you just shoot me now how bout it ( they're talking that diesel might hit $6 a gallon and it could be one of the coldest winters on record, some of my friends have lost jobs, can't find jobs, I'd be really f**king screwed if I lost my job but I'm keeping my resume and the want ads within reach in case I do., to my sisters and my parents are at each other's throats, one of my sister's wanting to move out west with me , if I move out west if I can afford to, do my homework on rents, jobs, living conditions, taxes, laws, local customs, fiscal forecasting for the next 3 years, pay my debts down to a more sustainable level, finish college , find decent employment, needless to say this got into the you sound alot like mom and dad and if you put it off , you'll never leave, and the I can't wait until 2 years after college to do this I have to do it so I can go to grad school out there.)
so yeah there has been a lot on my mind.

One of my pipe dreams would be to move to the West Coast, somewhere where the definition of cold is 45 F, and snow is only something you see in Christmas movies. That's been one of the reasons cash and my hellish couple of months have had me so stressed out. Since my ancestors crossed down from Canada a majority of my family has settled and stayed in New England, part of me has always wanted to be different, in a family of Red Sox Fans I was the first Yankee fan, everyone likes chocolate ice cream, I like vanilla..etc....in essence I don't want to live like the rest of my ancestors settling in Connecticut, taking care of mom, dad, x number of kids, bitching about the snow in the winter, the heat in the summer, and how the State pension check seems to be coming slower every month, before croaking and being buried in the same cemetery as all the rest. But I'm also the planner, I have to make sure everything is set, I have contingencies and contingencies on my contingencies, one of those is realizing that I will be responsible for a hell of a lot more than I am now on my own and I would have to make sure that I make enough to support my bills plus this "little" tri habit that I've picked up along the way. I'm thinking that another couple of years of hard labor, smart job hunting or training and certifications would have me in a position that I might be able to make it. I'm seriously starting to look to teaching as a
serious option, but Connecticut's standards are so freaking high it would take me another four years of schooling and debt to be eligible to teach in the public high schools,and the pay in the private schools, well I'd be better off as a bank teller, hence one reason why I want to leave CT

So yeah that's what's been beating around my noggin for the past few weeks.

My mind is a scary place.
R.D.