Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

Well my week leading up to Patriot has had some varied news from

Some good ( my Gramps lending me the money to drive up, only 7 guys in the elite wave and none of them from last year's race. )

To the so-so ( my creditors continuing to hound me for that damn stimulus check, seriously if it came in May like it was supposed to that would have saved me a lot of grief.)

To the Oh Shit ( Providence next week and I have to find a room for under $100 a night), to the reliving ( I'm not getting laid off !)

To the just plain why don't you just shoot me now how bout it ( they're talking that diesel might hit $6 a gallon and it could be one of the coldest winters on record, some of my friends have lost jobs, can't find jobs, I'd be really f**king screwed if I lost my job but I'm keeping my resume and the want ads within reach in case I do., to my sisters and my parents are at each other's throats, one of my sister's wanting to move out west with me , if I move out west if I can afford to, do my homework on rents, jobs, living conditions, taxes, laws, local customs, fiscal forecasting for the next 3 years, pay my debts down to a more sustainable level, finish college , find decent employment, needless to say this got into the you sound alot like mom and dad and if you put it off , you'll never leave, and the I can't wait until 2 years after college to do this I have to do it so I can go to grad school out there.)
so yeah there has been a lot on my mind.

One of my pipe dreams would be to move to the West Coast, somewhere where the definition of cold is 45 F, and snow is only something you see in Christmas movies. That's been one of the reasons cash and my hellish couple of months have had me so stressed out. Since my ancestors crossed down from Canada a majority of my family has settled and stayed in New England, part of me has always wanted to be different, in a family of Red Sox Fans I was the first Yankee fan, everyone likes chocolate ice cream, I like vanilla..etc....in essence I don't want to live like the rest of my ancestors settling in Connecticut, taking care of mom, dad, x number of kids, bitching about the snow in the winter, the heat in the summer, and how the State pension check seems to be coming slower every month, before croaking and being buried in the same cemetery as all the rest. But I'm also the planner, I have to make sure everything is set, I have contingencies and contingencies on my contingencies, one of those is realizing that I will be responsible for a hell of a lot more than I am now on my own and I would have to make sure that I make enough to support my bills plus this "little" tri habit that I've picked up along the way. I'm thinking that another couple of years of hard labor, smart job hunting or training and certifications would have me in a position that I might be able to make it. I'm seriously starting to look to teaching as a
serious option, but Connecticut's standards are so freaking high it would take me another four years of schooling and debt to be eligible to teach in the public high schools,and the pay in the private schools, well I'd be better off as a bank teller, hence one reason why I want to leave CT

So yeah that's what's been beating around my noggin for the past few weeks.

My mind is a scary place.
R.D.

Commuting by bike....commuting through life

That's right OPEC ,the NY Merchantile Exchange, and Big Oil have pushed me to the edge with their rampant speculation, soaring price per barrel, and mad profit$. That's right to try to save on my gas bill.....I mean the enviroment...I have decided that I'm going to start commuting to the office via the Bitch Stomper. the couple of times I've tried it, getting in hasn't been the problem, but riding home can be a little tricky, due to the fact I have to cross the main drag and try to remount on a hill. Also getting caught behind school buses on the trip back can be a little hair raising, ( also a pain in the ass on hills because when they stop you stop and lose all your momentum, and then have to walk it up.) Luckily it's only a mile into the office, I'll ride in good weather, not risking a soaking or road grime all over my business attire, in a monsoon, that and it gives me an excuse to get a ride in after work, granted not a long one but enough. My stress level is slowly coming down as I'm in the focus and plan mode, of how to cope with the mountain of crap that has been thrown my way...it's sort of like jumping into a cold lake first there is shock, fear and anxiety, then you just start swimming realizing that if you keep yourself in the same spot you're just going to get colder and more anxious. So in regards to my crap I have to start formulating a plan to get out of it and where I want to be. Part of me needs to realize that I can't save the world if I can't save myself, likewise I'm 23 entering what should be my last year of college, and after that it is time to move off on my own. I am greatful to my parents for taking me in when I came back from New York beaten, broken and broke, but part of me realizes I can not stay at home forever, that I need for better or worse try to make it on my own. So hopefully in Fall of 09 with a degree in hand, a job lined up, and all things together this aspiring tri guy/ corporate minon will be on the West Coast,paying down college debt, soaking up sun, and contemplating a pro card. At least that what I'm hoping. Like I said 2008 is going to be a little stressful as I get things in order so for all the stressed out vent posts past and to come I deeply apologize. but as mentioned it is going to be a long summer full of soul seaching, anger venting, and debt reduction, and oh yes a few psychotic races I've tossed in along the way. On tap for today, a quick brick followed by a movie tonight with Adam, tomorrow I'm planning on rolling out to Woodbury and getting some bike miles, maybe droppin in on sir Angry and the Slosh pipe.
Well that's it for the AM
R.D.

Sorry for all the negative energy

I apologize to most of my readers that the last few posts have had a negative tinge, but I find that typing on a computer is better than doing something stupid when I'm stressed. My workouts the last couple days have been semi impressive, last night I got in a 12 miler, this morning I did a 2000 yd. straight swim. Tomorrow I've got a trainer session in the office as part of our " get your finanacial check- up "promotion. I might put some miles on asphalt and then it's off to see the new Indiana Jones flick with Adam. So far I feel physically ready for Eagleman, but emotionally I'm a train wreck. Between home stress, financial stress which tend to go hand in hand, finishing finals, my mind is just in a constant whirlwind and most days it's hard to find which way is up. so for all the negative posts I apologize but if I kept it bottled up there might have been a scortch mark surrounded by a timex visor and two scortched New Balanced sneakers on some road in Connecticut. In any case I apologize for venting so much but it is just a trying period.
R.D.