Reflections

To all my dear readers who have put up with my crap for the last 5 or 6 posts thank you and my sincerest apologies...



As everyone knows I'm in my last 3 semesters of college...and I am taking the last of the required course for my major.. unfortunately, I got a low grade on one quiz and it sort of put me in panic mode as I was emailing the stuff I needed to hand in yesterday, the thought hit me...I've survived 3 other semesters of college with a " I'll handle it before the deadline" attitude and it's worked so far, why am I getting so stressed out over this paper, I'll do it like all the others, just I'll be very careful on format ( Chicago style.) because I am taking a style course. I've also noticed I tend to not use the whole , outline then write, then critique, then write again method. This can explain why it takes me an entire day to type a ten page paper, but at the same time I find my writing style to be more shoot from the hip, the outline tends to upset my rhythm, and I only do one when it is required..so I've come up with the following conclusion, write my rough draft with my usual shoot from the hip style, and if it utterly sucks, then write with a more pompous outline adhering style....in essence I just want to pass this class so I can start on my thesis.



Another apology is for my cocky, attitude toward Tri, to quote Macca, " Anyone who's met me knows I'm the least cocky person in the world, I'm just passionate." I have put up a poll asking whether or not I should enter one of my tris this season in the open/elite catagory. Upon the poll results and comments,I have come to the realization, that yes I'm a good athlete, but I am the perverbal big fish in two small ponds. New England, which is not really known for its triathlon prowess ( Karen Smyers is the odd ball.), and the 20-24 age group, in which the attitude of most competitors is go out drinking the night before and haul ass the following morning to keep the beer weight off. In essence all I have to do is show up, show up sober, do some training, and I'm almost guaranteed a podium spot. New Zealand taught me that I'm fast but not really anything special especially because of a weak bike leg, but at the same time it also showed me with some more organized and thought out training I could fare pretty well. Sadly at this moment in time Training tends to be wedged between my two priorities, the job, and class, so I'm sort of on a play it by ear, hodge podge sort of schedule, in May that should change.



The third apology is I'm smitten over a girl that realistically I can't have, yet my reason cannot seem to get that through my emotions' thick skull to let go. It's not like I can say to said mystery girl " Hey I like you, want to go out for a drink Friday night." First off I don't know if she feels the same way about me as I feel about her and I dare not tell her how I feel because I don't want to seem like a weirdo, granted I do Ironman for fun, so I'm already a self confessed Weirdo. The second is it is no exaggeration to say that an ocean stands between us. I seriously wish I was as emotionally numb as I was a year ago. Damn you hormones! Damn you Emotions! ACK!



Ok I cleaned out the closet, I feel pretty good now.