Well there's a month left to go before the rumble down under....man that sounds like crap.
My mood as expressed by this morning's post is well in the toilet, between loss of training time , financial shit at the homestead, and an all together shitty day at the office has left me wanting to just drop of the face of the earth. I have class and a few hours of time on the trainer. They just released a list of the pros and that field is stacked. As for me I'm sitting here in a bad mood wondering as I said earlier if this whole ordeal is worth it. As mentioned Financially things haven't been really great. Three times in the past 4 months I have told my parents that I was willing to drop out get my $350 refund and put that money to better use. Only to get the "No, live your life " speech. Seriously it's hard to try and be happy and "live your life" if you constantly feel like you're stealing shit from the rest of your family. So that explains most of my bad mood. Now it's too late for a refund and if I was to drop out it would be an even more selfish waste of $500, and 4 months of training all for nothing. So that's where I stand 30 days before the big event ...at rock bottom emotionally, recooperating physically, and drained mentally, suffering from "Guilty Catholic Boy syndrome".
Last night Stef was out so I loafed myself through a 3600 yard recovery workout main set
5x 100 on 1:25
5x200 on 2:45
5x100 on 1:25
I haven't run since Thursday so Tomorrow morning before descending into Hell ...I mean going to work I have decided to try to get at least a 5 miler in Hopefully my usual 7 miler but anything at this point would be a help.
I've got two weeks until taper so if I get a guarding check in this weekend it will spent on gas and a trip to the lake for loops. I figure I've got two weeks before taper so I've got to get my last long and hard crap in now.
So like I saidI've got a bad attitude I need to get a grip on, and a shit load of mileage to put in...and of course classes and and job to juggle in there, throw in some chain saws and a unicycle and I could be some psycho carny act.
So that's about it.
"That guy" at the back of the room
R.D.
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5 comments:
I know this won't help, but I was at a total mental low 30 days out too. I was an emotional wreck, crying all the time for stupid reasons and hating life. Taper was actually a nice reprieve. It will get better.
:-)
Jodi
Ok Bob-O, you are beginning to sound like me and I want to sole title of Mr. Misery, so here's what you do:
Go to NZ, run the fucking race, get your medal, tattoo your ass, and call yourself an Ironman.
Then: Come home, review the rest of your season, take another look at your wallet, pick what you want to do working within your constraints, and then enjoy life a bit.
You worked too hard for NZ to back out now. Do it, get it overwith, and then figure the rest of it out.
Believe me, neither you nor the lovely Dr. above have any reason to hate life. I know all about hating life. I'm a str8 up h8r.
Oh yea, go out with Stef. She's hot.
Jodi: Thanks for letting me know that I'm not going psycho for having an emotional break down toward the end of training. I'm actually glad to hear it's normal so I will put down the forged perscription for zoloft.....
Angry, My brother thank you for the pep talk, I will not try to steal your thunder as the "str8 up h8tr". The sad thing is Stef has a boyfriend I know ,I know..."If she's not wearing a ring..even if she's wearing a ring..." but sadly I have too high a standard of ethics... I can't date a girl that's dating another guy...it's sort that whole bad karma complex.
I'd love to offer up some feel-good advice, but I really, really can't improve on Angry's second paragraph. That says it all. I will say that I wish your Ironman was later in the year, because January/February is always that rock bottom time of the year, for me at least. That's not comforting, but I can at least chime in and say that 'Team: Life Sucks' has several charter members, and amazingly, we found each other. At least we get it.
Whatever happens in Taupo, you'll be OK...
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