Just take me out back and shoot me.

That phrase pretty much sums up how've I've felt for most of my 22 years. I could go on and on like I did in one draft about how I feel I suck, and how I just want to end this litany of suckage...not even a word but I'm a blithering idiot anyway. from my last post I know I'm not a football pundit, the post was meant to fire up one Boston sports fan and regally back fired as it fired up the true football pundits to show me justifiably that I don't know crap about anything regarding pigskin. ..except how to misinterpret shit and that my being a Giants fan is a sign of mental retardation ( which any Giants fan knows being a Giants fan is a slow depressive mental illness resulting in much anguish and "maybe next year syndrome".) So they will be no more "sports" posts from me.
Finances are not going well. I'm waiting on that damn loan check although my W-2's came in so I can file for my federal crap and financial aid so I can hopefully finish college within the next year, and buy my airfare within the next two weeks, and have enough to spend on books for my classes and food and miscellaneous crap in New Zealand.
Part of me is thinking this could be a huge let down....most crap in my life has been...to get so close but no futher...and miracles don't happen to me .. Part of me is thinking this whole ordeal has been one crazy selfish expediture, especially with all the financial crap going on in my home life, and now I'm being made to pay for it. I know life is supposed to be a cold cruel bitch, but aren't there supposed to be some momments of respite, where good shit actually happens, only to be destroyed later. The past two months have been a major tailspin. And this is it coming to a nasty ugly head. So yeah I'm down and out at the moment......the illness took a toll physically (although I did get some pool time yesterday) and life and the shit I bring upon myself has taken a toll mentally.
Also no "poor you comments" unless you're giving me a good and well deserved ass chewing , a twack across the perverbal head, a "man up moron" or a "get off your ass and do something about it." comment please keep them to yourself, because that pity crap is a waste of time, emotion, and effort, the only way I rebound is to get pissed off ( granted 90% of the time it is at myself.) or have some one shake me back to reality.

Life's a bitch, buy it a muzzle.
R.D.